Have you ever had a very detailed and thorough understanding just exactly how bad you're slacking? I have been procrastinating on the very last assignments for this course for 3 months. Assignments that I know would only take me about 4 hours to complete. I don't know why, but that's what I've been doing. I don't know what else to make this post about so I'll just tell you about it.
I've had several lectures and "you have to do it first thing in the morning"s from my boyfriend who at this point is tired of me not sleeping well and blames it on the work I'm not doing. But every time I sit down I end up getting back up from my desk not 30 minutes later. I remodeled my whole room in an effort to stay away from the desk. I did yard work that I would usually pay the neighborhood kids to do. I've reorganized the kitchen, the laundry, and made the spare bedroom into a walk in closet for my parents. I've made really really delicious and complicated dishes the kind that take all day to make. I randomly started reaching out to friends I'd ended on bad terms with to clear years of stale feelings. I went on many many hikes. But I have not done my homework, and because I haven't done it the other real life adult to-do items on my list stay collecting dust and probably insane amounts of interest.
When I finally told my sister I was facing failing the class because of my utter paralysis she took my phone pressed call back on my professor's voicemail. And yet still after I stopped lunging for it, I held my breath, crossed my fingers and hoped that the phone would just keep ringing.
This is insane. I bet this is how those people that never go to the hospital for weird lumps feel when they're in the ambulance with septic shock.
I am one of those people. The ones you look at on an episode of Hoarders and think "man how did she let it get that bad". That's me, I know how. You just don't think about it and do other things that don't remind you of the impending doom. You nod and smile when people ask you how your degree is going and avoid the topic of school all together. You stare at your desk for months with out actually touching it and say one more episode, one more project, one more hour, one more day for the rest of your life until one more becomes too late.
And yes of course I know how easy would've been to do it three months ago and how much nicer and enjoyable this break would've been if I had just.... no one knows better than me. But here I am.
My name is Linda and I am a procrastinator. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of my self inflicted purgatory.
